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Today is my mom's birthday. I want to share the speech I gave at her funeral.

Love was her language, and she spoke it fluently to everyone she met.

People felt it immediately when they were in her presence, even strangers. She was loving and kind, compassionate and generous.

I could tell you about all the wonders of my mom, but today, I want to share what I think she wanted you all to know. I want to share what she taught me.

My mom, Deborah Ann, wasn’t superhuman.

She wasn’t born special like that - yes she had her own magical spark that made her uniquely Deborah - we all have our own unique magical spark.

The thing is, my mom put in the work to be who she was. She read books, went on retreats, worked with therapists, and practiced meditation and yoga. My mom intentionally created a meaningful and spiritual community and she invited us into deep conversations.

The work my mom was doing wasn’t to be better at loving and accepting others. She was practicing how to love and be kind to herself.

It was in her ability to love herself that she naturally and easily loved everyone.

It became second nature for her to love everyone because she worked so hard at loving and being kind to herself.

She worked hard to accept herself as she was.

She studied her strengths, her weaknesses, and learned to honor her unique gifts.

She gave herself grace.

She laughed and found joy in the little things.

As my mom learned self acceptance, she became more accepting of everyone around her, and she was able to see beyond superficial facades.

People felt seen by her and loved for who they were in all their specialness.

The experience of being seen has a way of breaking us open, and leaves a powerful impression.

This is why so many people tell me how special my mom was. Because she saw how special they were. And they felt it.

My mom saw her own specialness. Not in an arrogant way, but in a way many of us long for.

She also made mistakes. The goal was not perfection. In fact, she knew there was no goal to be attained.

She knew that her work was to keep doing the work.

It’s not that she was born amazing like that - it was how she lived her life.

Today, I want to humanize that.

She gave herself pep talks. She learned how to self-soothe and how to forgive herself for the mistakes she made. She said nice things to herself and celebrated when things went well. She practiced gratitude EVERY DAY. And she learned to love herself…deeply.

We can admire how she loved and accepted everyone so effortlessly - but that would be short sighted of us. What I’m certain she wants is for us to get really serious about learning how to love ourselves first and foremost.

And that’s not easy. But it’s simple.

It’s the simple act of becoming aware of the inner critic, the harsh way we talk to ourselves, the negativity, and the ridiculous amount of pressure we put on ourselves.

“How is that serving you?” She’d ask.​
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When you practice something and you stick with it, you get good at it. Believe me when I tell you she practiced loving herself and she got really good at it.

What if we were to practice loving ourselves more every day?
She would remind me that it’s a choice.

It’s easy to idolize her, but I don’t think she’d want that.

My mom was a human being. An amazing human. And so are you.

Every single one of you here.

She loved you all so much, and more than anything, she wanted you to love yourself as much as she loved you.

Thank you for holding this memory with me today, and for honoring the way her spirit continues to teach us to love ourselves.

I am a writer, dancer, and an unapologetic advocate for racial justice in real estate. My book, Dreaming In Spanish: An Unexpected Love Story in Puerto Vallarta is in bookstores and online. Check out my website, SaraAlvarado.com or reply to this email and let's connect.